No You Shut Up and Listen

Breaking the Silence

If any of you read my other blog abipolarsreality.com then you know this past summer my mother and sister came to visit me. I was really excited about it. I hadn’t seen my sister in 13 years and the last visit I had with my mom was pretty great. We were stoned the entire time, that should have been telling. I thought it would help me break out of my shell and assist in my exposure therapy.

However when my mother got here she took over my home making me feel like a horrible housekeeper. Lied to me about food she prepared so that I would eat it, because apparently I’m a child and don’t know what I like. She used my home like a hotel/bed and breakfast and when she and my sister went out sight-seeing I was only invited once and that was because I mumbled something about wanting to go out. Wow even right now writing about it makes me hurt and get teary. The visit was a nightmare.

I wish I had of said something to her but I was afraid. In the months before the visit on the phone, she was awesome and supportive about my mental illness and what I needed to work on. Once she was here though she was a completely different animal. She made me cry every single day, sometimes multiple times.

I’d always felt that the my sisters born from her second marriage were better than us. She was different with them. More supportive and more caring. I had gotten to the point where I thought that I maybe imagined it, but clearly I was right.

I wish I had of had the nerve to tell her how much she was hurting me. I wish I could have made her see how her behavior was affecting me, but I didn’t. Apparently even months later it is still a bruise on my heart and I still can’t say anything to her about it.

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5 thoughts on “No You Shut Up and Listen

  1. This makes me so sad. I can relate to it too (except for the 2nd marriage part) but trust me, I understand the pain of it. My mom has always favored my sibling who is the golden child. She’s visiting soon and I’ll be sick to my stomach every day she’s here. I’ll be crying a lot as well. She claims she’s proud of me, but deep down she thinks I’m damaged goods because I have a bp diagnosis.

    I hope that your writing about your Mom’s visit served as a catharsis, even though it hurt to write. Thank you for being brave enough to share and go through that pain of remembering. You express this situation so well in your writing, and it’s easy for me to follow, which I really appreciate since I’m a bit baked as I write this! xoxo

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    • Dyane I am sorry you are going to go through that. I hope that you find the strength to realize you are an amazing woman and your mom is missing out on that by keeping a closed mind and about the last bit, lucky lady 😉

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  2. It is heart wrenching to hear that both you and Dyane cannot enjoy a parental visit. I hope you’ll both gain courage from one another to speak up and let others know how you truly feel. Wishing you courage and joy! 🙂

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  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Break the Silence – What Silence? | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  4. Pingback: Words Unsaid | Chaos Girl & the Real World

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