Category Archives: Life

What a Vision

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Dream Teacher

My parents thought I might a lawyer but I’ve always been attracted to architecture. The Roman Era stands out to me because of it’s seemed to really interlock art with structure. I’m not well taught on this sadly, but when looking at architecture to recreate when building in games, I’ve come across Apollodorus of Damascus. He create some stunning pieces. The Arch of Trajin and one of the most famous pieces, The Pantheon.

Now I really love architecture from all over the world. Rome just happens to be the very first I ever wanted to really visit and it’s on my bucket list. Being taught by someone so skilled would be a great honor. Thinking about this has again made me think about being an architect. I wish I was better at math. I have a feeling that my buildings might be like me, clumbsy lol.

Reality Vs. Unreality

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Breathing Room

An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?

When I first read the Daily Post today my head automatically filled with an answer. It was a super easy one since we are looking for a house with this attribute. However upon thinking about it for longer, I realized that while my answer was realistic is was rather boring. I mean a room that can hold any 3 things has so many possibilities right?

My realistic answer would be a swimming pool and two lawn chairs. I love swimming! 😀 It’s one of the greatest forms of exercise and I never feel like I am doing it. Plus just the way the water feels as it rolls over ones naked body is just delightful. It’s like the softest of silks, a gazillion count sheet, the fluffiest of cotton balls. Sadly I don’t think that even describes it enough. Try it, you’ll see what I mean.

My unrealistic choice is really not all that exciting either. However I want what I want. It would be a room of windows, inside would be a 1 piece computer/internet/monitor thingy. I think those are called macs! *wink* The most comfortable oversized, over stuffed chair you could imagine and a unlimited credit card never needing to be paid. I love shopping, I’m a girl what can I say. I am also kind of an addict. I buy things I never need and when I hit my depressive state usually spend way more than we can afford. When I come out of the depressive states, I become actually sad because I see what I’ve done. I would like those consequences gone. I would like to be able to buy anything I want at anytime, happy or sad.

Too Many Faces

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Unsafe Containers

Have you ever had someone say watch your face? I’ve been told that way to many times. I lack poor social skills due to the fact I am/was agoraphobic since I was 18. What does that have to do with this prompt? Well I am unable to hide how I feel ever.

I have visibly sneered at people I don’t know, I have cried in the middle of just about everywhere. I’ve been so exuberantly happy that I look like a psycho! I’ve thrown things in public when angry. Until I get those things in check I would prefer that I keep all of them contained.

Though the happy one is usually silly which makes me not give a flip about what people think, which is nice.

She Said Yes

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A True Saint
Little did I know that my teens would come to mean something. In the future I would be made the Saint of Misunderstood Sluts. Oh ya you heard that right.

For all the girls looking for love in all the wrong places. For the girls who wanted to be popular but had nothing but two tits and a cleft between their legs to offer. They would realize that they were empowered because at least they fucked and sucked for a reason. Hypersexualized bipolars, abused girls who thought sex was the only way to bury the pain, those who would do anything for anyone would finally have someone to look up to. Someone who understood their plight.

I would be honored.

Mama I Wanna Be A Lawyer

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Futures Past

As a child I was argumentative to say the least. My parents would always have a hard time punishing me because I would inevitably find a loophole in their punishment.
They would tell me that I was grounded for an entire week but by the weekend I would be out getting into more trouble. Luckily what a week is in reality was different from my parents thought.
Actually pulling things over on them wasn’t really all that hard and I found I could do the same thing with teachers, vice-principals security guards and boyfriends to name a few. I was always able to twist things in my favor. Detention? No I would just have to work out extra hard in the gymnastics practice.. Was I stealing that magazine, even though it is clearly in my hands walking out of the store, some boy across the mall gave it to me. These were a few things that I managed to do.
I still am able to word things in a way that I always have an out. I always thought this would make me a fantastic lawyer.

Why You?

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Trick Questions

If a prize winning Pulitzer reporter was reporting on me, I would think there would be a mistake. Though to be written about would be awesome. The three questions I wouldn’t want to be asked in no particular order are.

Who are you? (Always a hard one to answer)
What inspires you?
Do you think you deserve this?

Since I spend a great deal of time in my own mind hating myself any of these questions would be really hard on me. The last one would be the worst because even if I did deserve the piece, that would automatically be a no..

Dollah Dollah Bill

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Finders, Keepers?

Treasure Hunter - Day 18

Treasure Hunter – Day 18

Funnily enough finding something on the beach has long been a dream of mine. When my sister and I were younger we were at Grand Bend which is a beach sort of near London, Ontario. We found a wallet and inside was 400 dollars. We took the four hundred as a finders fee and put the wallet in the mail box so it could get returned to it’s owner. I was 14 and she was 12, what can you really expect from teenagers who were basically poor.

Today I would like to think that it would be different. If someone found my engagement ring I would hope they would return it to me because it holds more then monetary value. I would turn in anything I found like that to the police. I would prefer to find something that can’t be so easily returned. Olds Coins, Old Keys, you know antiquities. Fun stuff. Just for the excitement of finding it. If I found an envelope of cash, I’d have no choice but to keep it, cause really who brings a envelope of cash to the beach? Criminals maybe.. Ya that’d be all mine. 😛

No You Shut Up and Listen

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Breaking the Silence

If any of you read my other blog abipolarsreality.com then you know this past summer my mother and sister came to visit me. I was really excited about it. I hadn’t seen my sister in 13 years and the last visit I had with my mom was pretty great. We were stoned the entire time, that should have been telling. I thought it would help me break out of my shell and assist in my exposure therapy.

However when my mother got here she took over my home making me feel like a horrible housekeeper. Lied to me about food she prepared so that I would eat it, because apparently I’m a child and don’t know what I like. She used my home like a hotel/bed and breakfast and when she and my sister went out sight-seeing I was only invited once and that was because I mumbled something about wanting to go out. Wow even right now writing about it makes me hurt and get teary. The visit was a nightmare.

I wish I had of said something to her but I was afraid. In the months before the visit on the phone, she was awesome and supportive about my mental illness and what I needed to work on. Once she was here though she was a completely different animal. She made me cry every single day, sometimes multiple times.

I’d always felt that the my sisters born from her second marriage were better than us. She was different with them. More supportive and more caring. I had gotten to the point where I thought that I maybe imagined it, but clearly I was right.

I wish I had of had the nerve to tell her how much she was hurting me. I wish I could have made her see how her behavior was affecting me, but I didn’t. Apparently even months later it is still a bruise on my heart and I still can’t say anything to her about it.

A Rose By Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet

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Memory on the Menu
I think the best memories are the memories that come from scent. This morning for example I was eating a piece of raisin toast and the smell of it triggered the memories of camping with my family. Camping was the only time I really enjoyed being a part of my family.
I think that smells in general can bring about the best memories.. Would that a sweet haze? The memories are clear and vibrant so I would say no.

There is a smell in nature that reminds me often of my first kiss. 8 years old on a sunny summer afternoon surrounded by long grass. I always thought that these memories had no affect on me or that they just never happened until *sniff* they pop into my head.

Music will give me both negative and positive memories but scents always only bring about the positive. So memories associated with smells are my favorites 😀

MMORPG’s – Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game

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Game of Groans
I am absolutely thrilled to be logging in yet again. Being able to spend my life doing a ton of things that have no relevance on real life was always highly appealing.
If I was lucky I could sit for a few hours waiting to get into a dungeon where I had that super slim chance of getting some ‘phat lewt’. I could always use more items. I love spending money and making my bank bigger is one of my favorite ways of spending it.
If I’m super lucky I’ll run into some smart ass kids who will regale me with tales of how awesome they are while demeaning me to my very core!
God I love MMORPG’s.