The Mind Is The Thing

Pick Your Gadget – Daily Prompt
So a time machine, an invisibility hat and a door to anywhere walk into a bar.. I’m kidding.

I wouldn’t time travel I have no want to see the future and no need to change the pass. The hat of invisibility would be fun for a while. I could check out what my hubby does at work all day. Sneak into amusement parks and zoo’s but it’s definitely not something I would get much use out of.
Now the door to anywhere. I was talking to my besty and she honestly had some very positive things to use this for. Her blog on it is over here.
I was depressed and agitated and just being my normal bipolar self. I couldn’t think of any of these items being used in any way positive. Then I took a 2 mile walk. It helped burn some of my agitation. I read some IM’s from said BFF about positive days I have had over the last while even though I could only see the darker side of things.
Like a light bulb going off I realized what I would do. If said door existed then I would be able to interact with whatever is on the other side of the door. I would use the door to enter my mind and see what was going on there.
I also think since I could enter my mind I would be able to interact with the negative things in my mind. I’d destroy the depression and anxiety. I would boost the positivity and love. I would dust and clean it until it was pretty and practically whole. If I’m going through a door to anywhere that is exactly where I am heading no matter how scary it might be. The only way to conquer a negative is with a positive.


Home Sweet Home

Great Expectations – Daily Prompt

My husband and I plan to buy a home by the end of the year. I don’t mean a house though that is likely what it will be but a home.

Before we came out to California 3 years ago we purchased a house and lived there for several years. It was a brand new build, it was beige and it was like living in an apartment. Even though it was ours we never did anything to make it a home. It was nice enough don’t get me wrong. We rent it out now in fact so people have no issues with it. It just wasn’t our home. We bought quickly and never looked at anything but a few model homes to decide what we wanted. There was an urgency we felt that was imagined. We needed to stop living in apartments. Never felt right in that house though.

This time we are doing things the right way. We’ve given ourselves a reasonable goal and actually know the things that we want in our forever home. The things that will start to make it feel like ours as opposed to a building we are just living in. We’re making a list and we’re checking it 1000 times and we’re not going to compromise.

So at the end of the year we will own a home. I can’t wait to start making memories there.

Peanut Butter, Jelly Time.

Unexpected Guests – Daily Prompt

You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake. Tell us what happens next.

I was on my second week of going out and walking around the block by myself. Not a big issue for most however six months ago I wasn’t leaving my home at all. Usually I stayed hidden behind my curtains sneaking peaks at the world and wishing I was a part of it.
I arrived home to find a car in my drive way. It was only noon and My Boobear never brought anyone home without asking as I had serious issues dealing with people. I lacked social skills and would have horrible anxiety attacks whenever I had to deal with anyone. I figured it was a salesperson and would just slipped past the living room and go and hide upstairs.
When I walked in the door there were two pairs of shoes. A man’s dress shoe and a females flat heel. I could hear laughter and the hum of conversation coming from the next room. I slid past the door quietly standing at an angle where I could peer in and no one could see me.
My husband was in a rather animated conversation his hands waving about and smile on his face. There was a rather mundane couple sitting on the couch eating my peanut butter and jelly cake. A recipe I had been trying to perfect for some time and was actually horrified to see anyone trying.
I walked into another room pacing my heart pounding in anger and in stress. Why was Boo sharing THAT cake? Why were there people here at all? My thoughts racing going through possible scenario’s failing at figuring it out. I decided to breathe.
Breath in, breath out. Nice and slow. Relax. Breathe.. “I said Breathe dammit. Come on you are better then this.”
Finally the room had stopped spinning and I thought to myself you are an actress, just act. (this often helped me do things I was uncomfortable with)
I walked into the living room with a smile plastered on my face. (I hope it didn’t look as stiff as it felt) My hubby stood up and walked over to hug me and whispered in my ear, “You are gonna love this.”
For some reason their names didn’t connect when my husband introduced them, this is how I heard it.
Mumble mumble and mumble meet my wife Colleen, she was the one who made the winning recipe.
I what?
They started shoving a check in my hands and talked about photographers and tv shows and my world just hollowed to a pinpoint. Next thing I know I’m waking up on my bed. I look around and the house is super quiet. It’s only noon. I call for hubby but there is no answer. I guess he went back to work. I wonder how he got me in my jammies?
I walk downstairs and the house is a mess, the blinds and curtains are closed and there is half eaten baking failures thrown all about.
I call hubby at work to ask about the couple and he says he hasn’t been home today, I must have been having another of my lucid dreams.
Of course it was. Maybe I could make it real! Maybe I should go outside today? Nahh I’ll just bake and eat cake.

My Body – A Poem

My face is freckled and my teeth are fanged,

My hair is long and I have bangs,

My breasts are large and plump,

They almost slap my knees when I jump.

My stomach pulled in so my figures an eight,

A polite way of saying that I’ve usually overate.

My hips are full and so is my bum,

When I sit on my legs they go completely numb.

Screw my body it’s mind over matter.

Now I better get dieting so I don’t get any fatter.

A New Brother

First Sight
Puppy Love
*pounce pounce*
she just bounds around in excitement waiting to see him.
*pounce pounce*
I lift her up to see his tiny frame and you can see the joy.
Tail wagging she licks at his face.
She follows him from room to room.
They are always together.
She loves him and he her.
Two puppies becoming a family.
What’s cuter?

Every body Wants To Rule The World

Worldly Encounters

I think the song from Tears for Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World would make a great explanation for human beings are all about.

Welcome to your life
There’s no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you

Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world

It’s my own design
It’s my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most

Of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world

There’s a room where the light won’t find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do I’ll be right behind you

So glad we’ve almost made it
So sad they had to fade it
Everybody wants to rule the world

I can’t stand this indecision
Married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the world
Say that you’ll never never never never need it
One headline why believe it ?
Everybody wants to rule the world

All for freedom and for pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world

Bucket List

Dust in the Wind
This is the Daily Prompt from April 20th, I couldn’t do todays but I need to write.

  1.  Get better.
  2. Go Outside by myself
  3. See my sister Tammy
  4.  See my daughter
  5. Eat pie in every state + Europe
  6. Winnebago across the states.
  7. Backpack through Europe and other places with great old architecture across the ocean.
  8. Make a book of old barns.
  9. Have Canadian Chinese food again
  10. Go Skiing
  11. Get a corset piercing.
  12. Write a novel.
  13. Learn to sing.
  14. Live



Reading for Fun

No Apologies

I absolutely adore reading supernatural novels. Teen, Adult, I don’t care. I absorb them like a sponge. I will read any of these books in 1 day if I sit down and focus. They are like brain candy. All the Vampires and Werewolves, Succubi and Witches and everything in between. A Few of my favorite authors are : Richelle Mead, Rachel Caine, J.R Rain, Patricia Briggs. I do like the Sookie books to but somewhere around 10 I just started wondering what kind of shifter she would have sex with next.

I don’t make time for reading like I should but when I do, I can guarantee it is going to be one of these authors or someone similar I will be curling up with.

Listen To Your Heart

Powerful Suggestion

When I was growing up I looked at people probably more clinically then most. I didn’t trust anyone. I was hurt plenty and often. I made poor choices in friends and dates. I chose them completely on looks or things that they were involved in. I wanted to get married and be rich, I didn’t want to be poor anymore. I wanted pretty people around me because if they were pretty then so was I. I was great at choosing people who were ugly inside. I never followed my heart about a person. In fact if I felt anything remotely close to caring about someone who wouldn’t fit into these things I idealized I quickly and harshly ended it. Man I was stupid.

I wish I had of been told to just follow my heart. I would have likely had better quality relationships both with friends and the people I dated. I possibly would have more active friendships now. I say possibly cause of the whole crazy thang.

My husband was the first time I followed my heart and that worked out better than I ever imagined.

To My Dear Husband

Last but Not Least

Thank you for supporting me through all my crazy. The anxiety, the bipolarity, the insecurities and rash behaviors associated with my borderline personality disorder. Thank you for staying home with me when I just couldn’t leave and then hopping up and going out when I felt I could. You’ve never complained and always stood by my side, showing me more love than I ever thought I deserved.  Thank you for keeping me alive.