It’s hard to post on the iPhone so mommy took a picture.
I look in the mirror and see my age.
I hate what I see, the faint wrinkles.
why do we change?
I looked at myself and saw the freckles on my cheeks,
The used to be considered cute.
Now they are age spots, a sign of my body decaying.
Why do we age?
I look and see the weight I’ve gained, I used to be a mere 90, sure my bones were showing but I felt sexy.
Now my body is bulging and scarred from the weight I continue to gain.
Why can’t we stay as we are?
I would take being happy and healthy and not filled with self hate.
Why can’t I love myself.
Striking a match Jenni looked over her shoulder one final time at the house she and her husband had called home for the past several years. As she leaned forward to catch the gasoline aflame she smile once more before picking up her various pieces of luggage and throwing them in her car.
She hummed quietly as she drove away thinking about the new life she was starting for herself. An explosion filled the air as she drove away and quietly patted the open cooler beside her.
Looking inside she grinned to herself as she remembered tearing her husbands chest apart with the tree clippers. She knew she would never have to worry. She laughed as she said to herself “Home is where the heart is!”
I think if I could be someone famous, I would choose someone who is young and a millionaire.
Dakota Fanny would be perfect she is 19, worth about 16 million and is well liked by most.
The first thing I would do is go running! Running with the exuberant run of youth. I’d run until I collapsed on the ground, laying in the sun and just enjoying the feel of the grass beneath me.
After I caught my breath I would head to the bank and withdraw a couple of million dollar checks. I would then donate 1 million to Bipolar research and 1 million to the ASPCA.
After that I would enjoy some of the spoils of being rich. I’d go to a restaurant I would normally never get in and have a lovely meal. I’d go to a spa and get a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure the whole nine yards.
Then I would go shopping in all the stores with the expensive clothing and have a great time trying on different outfits and knowing I could buy any of them I wanted. I’d likely buy a cute outfit and some jewelry for the evening.
At the end of the day I would sneak off to a club. I would just sit in the corner and watch people enjoying themselves. I already love people watching and being able to do it someplace I wouldn’t normally go would make it exciting for me.
Before going to bed, I would think through the mind of a normal non mentally ill person and review the day as it actually happened not as I miscue it in my own mind.
If you could clone one element from another city you’ve visited — a building, a cultural institution, a common street food, etc. — and bring it back to your own hometown, what would it be?
This is going to seem really strange. As with all foods they taste different where they are cooked, who has cooked them etc. In Omaha I love the Mexican Food but when I came to California, I found I don’t really like authentic Mexican food at all.
When I first came to Omaha from Canada the Chinese food was all weird to me. WTF Was a crab Rangoon? I was used to Fried Egg-rolls, not with those thin little paper wrappers but with the big chewy ones. Thinking about it makes me drool.
However if I had to move one thing it would have to be the panzerotti I don’t know that I’ve ever even seen one here in the states. It’s a lot like a calzone only it’s twice the size and it is deep fried. There is no sauce inside, in fact you dip it in the sauce and it is truly amazing.
My husband ever being the pragmatist says he would duplicate the weather in California to Omaha. I get that, and it’s smart, but I’m hungry so what can I say lol.
An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?
When I first read the Daily Post today my head automatically filled with an answer. It was a super easy one since we are looking for a house with this attribute. However upon thinking about it for longer, I realized that while my answer was realistic is was rather boring. I mean a room that can hold any 3 things has so many possibilities right?
My realistic answer would be a swimming pool and two lawn chairs. I love swimming! 😀 It’s one of the greatest forms of exercise and I never feel like I am doing it. Plus just the way the water feels as it rolls over ones naked body is just delightful. It’s like the softest of silks, a gazillion count sheet, the fluffiest of cotton balls. Sadly I don’t think that even describes it enough. Try it, you’ll see what I mean.
My unrealistic choice is really not all that exciting either. However I want what I want. It would be a room of windows, inside would be a 1 piece computer/internet/monitor thingy. I think those are called macs! *wink* The most comfortable oversized, over stuffed chair you could imagine and a unlimited credit card never needing to be paid. I love shopping, I’m a girl what can I say. I am also kind of an addict. I buy things I never need and when I hit my depressive state usually spend way more than we can afford. When I come out of the depressive states, I become actually sad because I see what I’ve done. I would like those consequences gone. I would like to be able to buy anything I want at anytime, happy or sad.
She stood in front of the mirror with all her newly bought makeup, watching YouTube videos over and over again to get the application just right. She moved brushes carefully over her face following each tiny detail of everything she was watching. She kept going until her skin looked flawless, her eyes were larger and expertly lined and her lips were rich and full.
She looked at herself and her eyes got teary as she realized she had reached her goal of makeup perfection but she still could not see past the fictional ugliness she saw in herself.
She took a picture trying to mark this as a memory of the good job she could do. Trying to look at it positively but all she could see was the boring hazel of her eyes, the crooked natural line of her lips and her too round face. Everything was off, like a horrible mask. No matter how long she looked at herself she just found more and more flaws, a lifeless façade.
No matter what she did the ugly she saw was always be at the forefront.
She awoke feeling bleh. Her mind was a cloud and every inch of her skin was crawling with impatience. She knew that her depression had set in hard and deep.
She knew that even though the bed and sleep seemed like the most comforting thing to her at the moment she had to fight against the darkness that was creeping into her mind.
Moving to her computer she started to put on the makeup she kept there for such times and took the time and attention to feel good about what she’d done before getting dressed in something comfortable and cute.
Look how you want to feel right?
She headed toward the beach her anger at life building, causing her foolish thoughts of crashing into the assholes that so often filled LA roads. Just running her car into one of these idiots might lift her mood, but she drove on until she reached the coast.
Getting out of the car was the hardest part, already filled with self-hate and no self-esteem coming to the beach was always hard, too many beautiful people. Even though most of her was covered up she was conscious of her weight and scars.
Once away from the safety of her car she started walking along the path, the sun shining from the sky down on her. The ocean was a clear blue with frothy white caps. It was picturesque and peaceful.
Something strange began to happen, her face started to move. Her cheeks were dimpling and her teeth started to show as she smiled! That’s right she smiled. The more she stood outside the more she smiled and the better her mood was.
After 1 hour of walking the sand crests and oceanic view her mood had done a complete 180. She was happy almost to the point of skipping and her day looked hopeful.
Was it the sand, the ocean or the sun? I have no idea but I think the weather had something to do with it.
A Bipolars Writings 